You know the routine.
You’re flipping through the channels – oh wait, I forget that this isn’t still 1977 – You’re scanning through the detailed onscreen guide. You come across “that” movie. You’ve seen it 113 times, but somehow you NEED to check it out again.
Your significant other comes into the room. “You’re watching this again?!” he or she exclaims, in a tone that is clearly questioning your decision-making processes, if not your overall mental state. At this point, the last thing you want to do is get into an extended verbal cage match over your affinity for repetition.
There’s only one way to cut this off at the pass so you can enjoy viewing #114: You gotta go for the big shot; the knockout blow. For me, it usually requires something like, “Gee, that top used to have a real slimming effect on you. Now it just kinda…doesn’t.”
Total peace and quiet for the next two hours…and beyond.
Now I can get totally immersed into my date for the afternoon. Of course, it’s really not saying a lot that I can enjoy seeing the same film over and over, as I’ve been known to spend hours in the rain examining that special “shiny thing” I saw in the driveway. I just thought it’d be cool to create a list of these ageless, repetition-proof gems.
These are in no particular order and are just the tip of an impressive iceberg. I’d like to know what movies you guys would have on your list, and of course, the typical comments on how I’m a jerk-off for certain picks and a miscreant heathen for leaving off others.
Let’s do it:
1. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
Come on, this one’s a given!
“Your arm’s off!”
“No it isn’t!”
“What’s that then?”
“Come on, ya pansy!”
This is intelligent, cerebral humor at its finest. Screw Hannibal Lechter; I’ll take the Killer Bunny in a fight any day. The Knights Who Say “Neet” take crap from no one!
2. FIELD OF DREAMS
“Hey dad, wanna have a catch?” – Nothing more needs be said.
I’ve cried very seldomly in my adult life. Once when I stubbed my toe on the corner of my stupid waterbed and once when Rudy got accepted into Notre Dame… Oh yea, and when my dad died.
Space travel, guys shooting at each other, Liv Tyler in a bed scene, heroism and even a scene where the sweating guy has to figure out which wire to cut. These are the reasons Edison invented movies (Edison invented movies, right?)?! When Liv says good-bye to her father, I almost stub my toe again.
5. 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
Argh! I hate having to admit in public that this film made my list! This movie is dangerously close to chick-flick status, but for some reason, I really like it. Although this movie has one of the most aluminum foil chewingly frustrating scenes in history. Julia Stiles protects Heath Ledger by exposing her chestal region to a teacher to distract him so Heath can make his escape. But the camera never turns to take a shot of her from the front!
What a gyp!
Every time I watch that scene I hold out pathetic hope that this time I’ll get the angle I want. – Once, I had the movie on, and I know right where that scene is, so I ran to the other side of the television to find out if that angle showed more.
If Julia Stiles is reading this – or if any of you happen to know her – could you please let her know that I’d REALLY like to see her boobies… If she doesn’t mind.
6. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE
Yea, a lot of you are going to really rip me a new one for this, but I can’t help it; I laugh my ass off every time I watch this. The funny thing is, for some reason, the first time I saw it, I didn’t even really like it… Which begs the question, then why did you even watch it a second time?
I don’t know.
All I do know is, it REALLY grew on me. When they buy the time machine from the Internet, I crack up. When Uncle Rico whips the steak at Napoleon, I almost wet myself. Then the floodgates really open when Napoleon whips the oranges at Uncle Rico.
7. FINDING FORRESTER
I’m not generally a big Sean Connery fan, except for his “appearances” on SNL Jeopardy. “That’s not what your mother said, Trebek!” But he is phenomenal in “Finding Forrester. (If you’re really a fan of the movie, you’ll understand exactly why I began that last sentence with “but.”)
This is the ultimate feel good about a man-man relationship movie for heterosexual men. That’s not to say that homosexual men wouldn’t like it, but I’m assuming there are other feel good, man-man movies they also like.
I’m just kidding. – Lighten up, gay guys.
8. BLAZING SADDLES
“The new sheriff is a nig…”
“The new sheriff is a nig..”
Cleavon Little was hilarious! It’s too bad he doesn’t generally get brought up in conversations about African-American actors who were truly ground-breakers, because he should be right up there with Richard Pryor, Sidney Poitier and the bunch.
“…and they are so dumb!”
There ya have it; a very short, incomplete list of movies to have with you if you find yourself stranded on a deserted island… Of course, I don’t think deserted islands are known for their electrical outlets, but you could always read the cases.