Sunglasses: A Celebrity’s Best Friend

Celebrity Sunglasses on Youtube

Have you ever wondered why you hardly ever see some celebrities without their sunglasses. Yes, that includes being indoors, out in the middle of the night, or even at their favourite night club. They have become best buds, impossible to separate. Actually, given the recent antics of Britney, Paris and Nicole, these days celebrities wear sunglasses more often than knickers.

Want to understand why? By delving into the complex and bewildering psyche of the celebrity mind, we try to answer this age-old riddle:

 

  1. So they don’t get recognised. You can't expect these poor celebrity types to get recognised by mobs of insane fans every time they go down the local shops can you? Eggheads and quacks alike agree that our brains are programmed to recognise other human faces mainly via their eyes. Clearly celebrities have researched this fact, and stay incognito by covering up their eyes. They're cleverer than you thought!
  2. So they do get recognised. There are certain species of celebrity that actually desire attention of passers-by on the street, and use their designer sunglasses to achieve this. Certain celebrities who shall remain unnamed decide to adorn their faces with the most outrageous insect-resembling monstrosities they can get away with. Some celebrities have actually built their entire personal image around their specs. This latter syndrome is known as the Bono factor, named after the mens glasses icon and aging U2 frontman for his trademark luminous wrap-arounds.
  3. As a defence against camera flashes. The number one predator of the simple celebrity is the vicious and merciless paparazzi - its natural for celebrities to think about defending themselves. The bigger the celebrity, the more of these deadly adversaries will congregate around them. One of their chief weapons is their enormous flashing bulbs, used to temporarily blind their prey and gradually weaken their already damaged eyeballs (see point 5). Sunglasses are in fact a crucial evolutionary defence against this threat.
  4. To hide their atrocious drunken make up / red eyes / wrinkles. You'd be surpised to know that this is actually done to protect the fans rather than the celebrity. If we were exposed to the true state that celebrity eyes end up in after all night binges and long term sun damage, we'd be so horrified that our entire view of the world would crumble around us. Yes, ladies’ glasses of the rich and famous are there for our sake. Just trust me on this one.
  5. Drug usage makes your eyes very sensitive. The intense responsibility and pressure that society places on the celebrity species leads them inevitibly to drug abuse. Substances such as tetrahydrocanabinol and opiates cause the pupils to dilate. Mere daylight, even behind a cloud, can cause some serious pain to afflicted celebrities. Don't begrudge them their sunglasses.

 

I hope now I’ve made you think twice before tutting under your breath next time you see a hollywood star sporting ridiculously unneccesary shades in pitch black conditions.

 

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